Today, during my lunch break, I read two more essays from the book “This I Believe II” … personal philosophies of remarkable men and women; famous and normal alike. The two essays I read were, as the headline gives away, about grief and happiness, which are two emotions I currently struggle with. As some of you might now, I am going through a difficult personal situation, so my brain and emotions and everything else that belongs to a human body is a mess.
The first essay, by Wayne Coyne, is called “Creating Our Own Happiness”. How fitting since I have been told that I cannot let one single person define my life’s happiness. Happiness, I came to realize when I read the essay, can be simple, small things like the a smile from a stranger, or telling somebody you like their dress, purse, or even tell them they are cute. It has always made me happy to give to other people. But I also realized that happiness, even for a brief moment, is the warm wind caressing your skin when taking your lunch-break walk (which I did today). Stretching your muscles and feeling your body … feeling that you are alive. I guess there is a lot of happiness in every day, and we need to CHOSE to see it. We can make our own happiness, even if it is just a tiny glowing spot in the darkness that seems to consume my heard, mind, and soul. What I took away from this essay is that I want to find, and consciously recognize, one thing per day that makes me happy, even if it just for a second … and I look forward to that moment.
The second essay, by a nurse, spoke about grief. About how it is human, about how it can be … no, IS healthy, and that we have the right to grief, each of us in our own way. I grieve because I am about to lose the person that means the most to me in my life. My beloved husband, friend, partner, teammate, maybe even soulmate. And I grieve, and cry, and weep, although it is partly, if not totally, my fault that I lost him. But I still have the right to grieve. Some days the feeling is overwhelming, a darkness that slowly consumes me and kills every part of me, and it makes me feel as if I am slowly dying. I miss him, I love him, and I grieve for what I have lost, for what I have destroyed.
But maybe, in an hour, or in two, I encounter that little piece of happiness that waits for each of us every day … if we chose to let it touch our hearts. You never know what’s around the corner. And I know that for just this moment I will be alright. That I will survive, and live, and that life can be what I want it to be … I just wish it could be with my husband. But I believe that each of us has a path in life, and although I don’t know what it is, I believe it is there. Maybe the little moments of happiness can lead me down the right path.
Yours in grief and happiness,
Aileen
Pain and grief is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, maybe longer, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If you quit though, that will last forever. Trust, me I know!
You have a way with words. Very humble and commendable. Sounds like it could still be made to work out. In any event, you are a great person, and I wish you the best.
I just discovered your blog and have been making my way through your most recent entries.
Through our “talks” I forgot to recommend a book that helped me get through my separation and divorce, the Dalai Lama’s Art of Happiness. It’s a great book and I own a copy if you’d like to borrow it.