My Alter Ego

Written in 2001, this is the story of Cyndera, my character in Star Wars Galaxies (yes, I am a geek, and I play video games). That world eventually came to an end, but her story lives on in other galaxies …

I was born in Tyrena as a daughter of a noble family.

My mother was a diplomat, a very sensitive person and very successful in negotiating peacefully when representing Naboo’s officials.

In her spare time, she enjoyed dancing … and she was the most graceful woman I have ever seen.

Since I can remember, I always sat by her side when she was practicing, admiring her and every time she smiled at me, I knew I wanted to become like her.

Since I was a little girl, I have been trying to dance with her.

So, my mother taught me how to dance. And I succeeded early.

Later on, at the average age of 10 years, she showed me another kind of dance. A kind which is known across the galaxy as Exotic … I don’t know from whom she had learned that dance  in fact, I only saw it once in my life before I began to study it myself: Danced by a young Twi’lek.

Although far away, she still is one of the few creatures that I fully trust.

My father was an Architect, a very good one, I think. I often begged him to take me to the places where he created’ a building. It was more than interesting to explore the building-sides, it fascinated me to get to know each building from its birth’ on, to see it grow up’. These were the terms I used for his work.

I had a happy and carefree childhood.

I lived with my parents in a mansion outside Theed, together with the many pets I owned.

Early in my life a relative of mine showed me the secrets of a Creature Handler and how to properly take care of all kinds of animals.

Some nights, when my mother finished her dancing, she placed me on her lap, caressed my hair and held me tight.

Sometimes, she began to tell me stories about mysterious people that are far stronger than other ones. That can ease pain, or cause it, at will, for example. And who can do other things that seemed like magic to me.

Sometimes in these moments I felt my mother close, closer than every other person I have known and loved. It was as if she touched my heart and soul with her emotions. And if mine became one with hers.

And sometimes I thought that she protected me and eased my pain when I was sad.

I never really understood what she wanted to tell me, but I felt that it was important to her, and so I listened carefully to her words.

One of my favorite stories was about a girl and a boy and about their love, marriage and pain they shared.

They met under unusual circumstances, and their love was forbidden, it seemed to me, but nevertheless they got married, in secret.

My mother never told me what happened after their marriage, but I have never been sure if she really not knew what happened or if she just didn’t want to tell me. Or if it was just a simple story after all.

When I was 12 years old, I had an experience that I should never forget my whole life and that should change it completely.

My mother and me were practicing in the garden -which was a birthday present from my dad on my seventh birthday just to dance in it. I loved this spot on our estate, there were so many pretty flowers and a little rill flowing through it.

Suddenly a man appeared in the garden. I did not see him come. I felt him.

I felt a cold aura surrounding him and I gasped for breath. I wanted to stay close to my mother, but she pushed me away while talking to the man, angrily but fearfully.

And then, in a sudden move, he raised his hand I was not able to move or to breathe when he pushed my mother away with some kind of invisible power. My mother fell down to the ground and whimpered. She obviously was suffering a kind of pain that I had never seen before.

She begged him to stop again and again, and finally he relieved her … after some minutes that seemed to me like eternity.

He watched her, laying on the ground and then told her in a cold voice that she should better take care that I would not become like her.

And after that, he disappeared.

I crouched to my mother’s side, embracing her tightly, burying my head on her shoulder and though I know she was feeling terrible I felt her touch deep in my soul which tried to comfort me.

After that day, our whole life seemed to change.

My mother often left me with her best friends, the Summers.

She never told me any stories again in these days though I asked her over and over again.

And then, a few weeks later, my parents disappeared.

They left me with the Summers, without saying a word, without telling me any reason.

Aside from the mansion and the worldly possessions, the only personal thing my mother left for me was a necklace with a piece of what seemed to have been a bright pink crystal once.

Every time I touch it, I feel my mother’s warmth. Since then, I have never taken it off. And every time it touches my skin, I know that my mother is alive and that she never meant to leave me alone if it was not really necessary.

I tried to forget about that faithful evening.

But one thing I just cannot forget about: The words uttered by the stranger: Do not let her become like you

When I was of age, I moved into my parent’s mansion, visited the Dance Academy in Theed and practiced a lot to master all kinds of dances known around the galaxy.

Coming from a diplomatic family, I served as linguist and diplomat for Naboo.

Whenever I was not engaged in political obligations, I danced in various shows on different planets.

I tried to work as much as I could so that I never would have time to think about what happened years ago.

I had everything that made life comfortable, I had good friends and enough money not to worry about anything.

But there was always something about the way I negotiated or helped people, something that reminded me of my mother. The way she encouraged and inspired people, the way she succeeded to settle arguments.

But there is also something missing in my life.

I am feeling restless, as if there was something I need to discover in order to understand my destiny and in order to understand what my mother always wanted me to know.

It is like a compulsion to go out, think about my life and perhaps change it and leave my past behind to discover my mother’s secret and to help bringing harmony to the galaxy.